It doesn’t matter if it’s in rush hour traffic in the morning or evening or you’re one driver out of five, there’s an idiot on the road and they shouldn’t be.
I was driving in traffic this morning as I work in Midtown and traffic is awful at this time of day. Luckily for you, I have time to give a few driving tips to help improve your skills as an experienced driver.
Tip #1: If you are driving on a road that is two lanes or more, please figure out which lane you belong in. Everyone knows one lane is normally used by the slower drivers while the other(s) are used by the drivers who seem to be in a rush. Now if you’re on the interstate and you’re going five miles per hour under the speed limit, you best be in the far right lane. If you are in the far left lane, we have a problem. The far left lane is for those drivers who typically drive 10-15 miles per hour over the speed limit. So unless your heart just fills with joy as drivers must go around you when you’re in the far left lane going 60 mph in a 70 mph speed zone, I’d advise you to move on over a few lanes.
Now if you don’t know your right from your left, bless your heart! You may need to go back to kindergarten and learn which is left and which is right. Trust me, no one will judge you! Well maybe just a little!
Tip #2: If you are an 18-wheeler driver or a larger truck driver, we need to chat. There is NO reason at all that you should be that close to another vehicle. Given your size, you need to stay back 10 car lengths between yourself and another driver. If you feel like you have to ride someone’s ass, please remember that if they break because of traffic in front of them, their lives are in your hands depending on if you break in enough time or not. So back off! We realize you’re big and mighty but we’d prefer our distance.
Tip #3: I know it’s difficult and for crying out loud, who ever invented it should be hung, but if it’s before sunrise or after sunset or it’s downright pouring outside, put your dang headlights on! I realize it’s hard to twist a switch or push a button. Trust me, it takes less than two seconds and it kills me every single time but it must be done!
If you don’t care about your own safety then that’s perfectly fine. But we live in the United States and most of us are selfish and concerned with ourselves so we’re going to make sure our safety comes first. If you can’t do that for yourself, try putting your lights on for those around you. You’d be such a Good Samaritan.
Tip #4: Do NOT and I repeat, Do NOT blow your horn at someone when a traffic light turned green 0.5 seconds earlier. If you do that, not only does it make you look like a butthole but it also tells the person in front of you that not only are you in a hurry but you’re also impatient. That would then give the person in front of you the drive to teach you patience. Instead of them driving five mph over the speed limit as they normally would, they will now drive 10 mph under the speed limit.
Look at that! Your plan backfired because now you’re moving slower than you would have and you’re later than you would have been. Sucks to be a jerk! Stop honking your horn and be patient. Traffic will move and you will get to point B.
Tip #5: Now if you don’t know your traffic signal now or what the colors mean then you need to take yourself back to preschool. Preferably the three year old class. They’ll tell you exactly what green, yellow and red mean.
The last time I checked, red meant STOP. It does not mean hit the gas and speed through the intersection. It means hit the brakes and come to a standstill. If you haven’t figured that out yet, you may want to give up driving. Knowing the traffic signal is fundemental to being a well rounded driver.
I’m sure the three year olds would be happy to teach you. Heck! A two year old could tell you what the colors meant as well.
Tip #6: Lastly, please refrain from applying makeup, reading the newspaper, candy crushing or any other distracting activities while you’re on the road.
While I applaud your ability to multitask while driving, it puts yourself and others in danger.
Plus, I’m just envious that you have the ability to do more than just drive. I can barely talk and drive, let alone drive. It’s ludicrous that you can read an entire newspaper from cover to cover while driving. You wouldn’t want a sea of jealous drivers around you, now would you?
So for the safety of yourself, let’s just stick to driving and leave the newspaper for when you’re at work avoiding work! I won’t tell your boss!
I feel as if I’ve covered all the important areas of driving. At least for now. I must make my way to work with my newspaper in tow.
This has been Quite lovely with Yours Truly! Have a fabulous day folks and a safe commute to and from wherever you feel like going today and every day!
helluvalifewithcassnicole 