Monthly Archives: August 2014

Love and Heartache

Uncategorized

Today I made a decision that I didn’t want to make. A decision that tore me in half; one that broke my heart. A decision that was selfless but painful. A decision that left me in tears.
Six weeks ago I took home a two day old kitten from my coworker’s home after the mother had abandoned him. From the moment I took him home, I hand raised him. I fed him whenever his little heart desired food. I slept every night with him curled up against me. When I came around and he heard my voice, it didn’t matter what he was doing, he’d find his way to me.
As crazy as this sounds, he thought I was his mama and I was. I was the only mama figure that he’d ever known. He was my sweet Chancer and I was his Mama.
From the moment I brought him home, I was warned that Chancer may not make it. I was well aware of that fact. He was only two days old; of course there was a high risk of losing him, but as time went on, I stopped worrying about losing him. He was making bounds and leaps and I couldn’t have been happier with his progress. Unfortunately, a few days ago, his health started to decline. He wasn’t interested in eating anymore and he was just unhappy. So today when I took Sadie to the vets for a checkup, I took Chancer with me.
I needed to know what I was doing wrong or if there was anything I could do differently. I was hoping for an antibiotic or an old wives tale to heal my sweet boy. I received neither. Instead, the Vet was surprised at how old he was because he hadn’t grown much. She took Chancer to the back to have another Vet look at him and when she came out, I knew the news wasn’t what I wanted to hear.
You see, Chancer hadn’t developed like he should have and as the Vet said, it had nothing to do with anything I did. The Vet explained that Chancer was sick and that he was born with this problem. That was probably why his mother left him after he was born.
The Vet gave me two choices. I could take Chancer home alive and wait it out until he passed away naturally or I could have him put down and let out of his misery. 90% of me wanted to do exactly that. I wanted to take my baby boy back and run out of that Vets Office as fast as I could, but that 10% of me couldn’t allow it.
In the last six weeks, Chancer has made me smile thousands of times. He has made me realize how blessed I am. Chancer was a gift from God. He loved me unconditionally and it was time for me to return the favor. It wouldn’t have been fair to Chancer for me to keep him alive when he’d eventually breathe his final breath and he’d most likely be in pain. I didn’t want that for my sweet boy. I wanted to do what was best for him even if it wasn’t what my heart wanted.
As tears rolled down my face, I signed the papers and said my final goodbye. I kissed Chancer on the head several times, told him that I loved him and just soaked in the last couple minutes that I had with him. As the Vet took Chancer away from me, I sat in the empty waiting room with Sadie Mae and just balled my eyes out.
I’m not usually one to cry in public but my heart was aching. The tears came and I let them. My heart was breaking and I didn’t have the strength to keep from crying anymore.
They brought Chancer out to me in a small box that had a heart on it that one of the Vets had drawn for me. I was taking Chancer home to be buried in the yard he’d never play in. I thanked the Vets and walked to my car carrying my sweet kitten that now knew no pain and suffering and my puppy who had been calm through it all.
As I sat in my car, I fumbled with the keys as the tears once again took over. Now that I was alone in my car, I could let the pain consume me.
As I write this, I’m still struggling as the pain is still raw. It’s never easy having to let a pet go even when you know it’s the best thing you could do for them. I know I made the right decision but knowing that doesn’t even make it easier.
Chancer Baby, you meant the world to me and I couldn’t have asked for a better blessing in life than you! You gave me so much to smile about and you were by far the best little snuggle bug that I could have asked for. I’m going to miss your sweet little face and the way you could always find me when you heard my voice. You are my little angel and I’ll love you to the moon and back for always!

A Double Standard Exists

Uncategorized, , , , , ,

As a young lady who just graduated from college with a degree in Journalism, it’s safe to say that I’ve studied and become familiar with how our media system works. Media outlets produce and cover stories that meet a certain predisposing belief or idea that the majority of people will react to.
A story about a couple who were brutally beaten, raped and killed back in 2007 went under the radar in news coverage. Recently, a young black teenager was shot and killed by a Police Officer and this has caused chaos and an outcry from people all over the country. Since that unfortunate event happened, people have started claiming that the news story from 2007 was under reported. If I may say so myself, I am one of those individuals who believe this story received less news coverage than it deserved.
Let me begin by saying that I am not racist in any way, shape or form. In all honestly, I have a low tolerance in general for people who don’t act like ladies and gentlemen in public, who act as if proper English is a foreign language to them, and who act like their race should be handed what they think they deserve in life without having to work for it. That goes for any person. It doesn’t matter if you’re black, white, red, yellow or blue.
With that being said-
In 2007, Channon Christian and Christopher Newsom were brutally beaten, raped and killed by not one, but five black individuals. To just give a brief history of the case, Newsom was raped and beaten before he was forced to walk barefoot to a nearby railroad track where he was shot three times. He was shot in the neck and back and then in the head execution style. If that wasn’t enough, they then set his body on fire. Unfortunately, Christian was tortured for a longer period of time. During this time, she was raped by more than one individual which caused her to suffer from injuries that are just too unbearable to mention. After these individuals sexually assaulted her, they realized that their DNA was now in this young lady so they forced her to drink bleach and then scrubbed her body with bleach. If that weren’t enough, they tied her arms and legs together, put a grocery bag over her head, wrapped her body in five trash bags and left her to slowly suffocate in a trash can in the house this all took place at.
Tell me that isn’t one of the most brutal hate crimes you’ve ever heard of and yet, most people are just now hearing of this awful, gruesome murder story seven years later.
A young black teenager was killed almost a week ago and it has made national news. He was shot. Point blank. The bullet killed that young individual immediately. I’m not saying that what happened was right. I wasn’t there. I’m not the officer that pulled the trigger and I’m not one of the people who claim to have witnessed the shooting.
But then you have a 23 year old male and a 21 year old female who were kidnapped, brutally raped, beaten and murdered and this story was under reported and overlooked.
Please tell me what is wrong with today’s society. You can make an enormous deal out of one individual being shot and killed by a white officer and then completely ignore what five black individuals did to a young white couple. I realize these two incidents are completely different. One individual was shot and died a quick death whereas two individuals lived out their last final hours in agonizing pain and horror. How can you rally for one individual and let two others, who suffered far worse, just be brushed under the rug as if it isn’t a big deal? That is not right. Not by a long shot. You cannot allow a race to play the victim card every chance they get and then brush it under the rug when that said race becomes the culprit.
I’m not a racist, but I’m not one of those people that just turns a blind eye to the ‘Reverse Racism’ card. It irritates and irks me when people act as if they’re always the victim when in reality; your race does just as much damage to the other race.
There is a double standard when it comes to racism and you can give the media a round of applause for that.
You see, the media knows exactly what stories will cause an uproar and the media has an agenda that they will push. The media likes to play the ‘Reverse Racism’ card as often as possible. That explains why most stories with white victims who were violated by black individuals aren’t covered quite as often as black victims who were violated by white individuals.
Everyone says that racism in this country needs to cease and desist but how can it when the media plays the ‘Reverse Racism’ card so well? How can racism in this country cease and desist if we let ourselves give into these predisposed beliefs? How can racism in this country cease and desist when we pull apart as a country every time an incident like the Michael Brown incident occurs? How can racism cease and desist when people are always pointing the finger at the other race?
Racism is going to exist for decades to come because the media is always going to have an agenda that they’ll continue to push on you. Racism is going to continue to exist because those beliefs are already learned and taught without us even being aware of it. Racism is going to exist because you will always have groups of people within every race that will urge us to pull apart from each other and who will always point a finger.

It Broke Over and Over Again

Uncategorized, , , , ,

Mondays are usually rough as you try to get back on your normal week day routine but today has been a little more than I can take.
I started my Monday morning off early as Sadie Mae had an appointment at the Vets. She was scheduled to get spayed. As she normally is, Sadie Mae was that happy-go-lucky, hyper puppy that I’ve come to know and adore with all my heart when I left her at the Vets this morning. This afternoon, she was something all too unfamiliar to me.
I foolishly didn’t prepare myself for how Sadie Mae would be coming out of surgery. I suppose since she’s always been a hyper, spunky, and never stopping puppy, that she would come out of surgery strong. I’m not entirely sure what was running through my mind when I picked her up because I was not ready for it. I wasn’t ready at all.
When I arrived at the Vets Office to pick my sweet girl up, I paid and found a spot on a bench in the waiting room while they got Sadie Mae prepared to go home. As time went on, they had to call back for Sadie Mae twice. After the last call, the Vet came out and sat down with me. I thought she was simply explaining to me Sadie Mae’s pain medicine but she wasn’t. She sat there and told me that Sads was in a lot of pain and that she had been crying on and off for the last couple hours. It broke my heart.
At that moment, I was a mixture of emotions. I was upset that Sads wasn’t feeling well and I was angry with the people who were taking care of her because they never once called me to update me on her status. I had to call up there twice just to see how she was doing. But even though I was angry, the pain that I felt for my baby took over.
The Vet went back in to finish getting Sadie ready for me and my heart continued to break. As I sat there waiting for my baby girl to come out, I could hear her whining from behind the door that separated us. As if being told she was in enormous pain wasn’t enough, the puppy cries that came from behind that door was more than enough. The tears in my eyes began to form. I wanted to run to that door and open it up and close that space that separated me from my sweet baby girl and yet all I could do was wait. I sat on that bench and cringed every single time I heard her cry out. As soon as that door opened, you best believe I ran to her as quickly as my shaky legs could.
I hugged Sadie Mae and just let her whine until her little heart was content. It was a struggle leaving the Vets Office as I came to realize she was holding a grudge against me. I suppose I deserved it. I had brought her to this mean place in the first place. As I tried to leave with Sads, she wouldn’t budge. After a few attempts at getting her to walk with me, the Vet finally came over and took a hold of her leash so I could go bring the car around. When Sads saw the car, she finally came with me.
The car ride home was a piece of cake. She cried a few times while trying to get comfortable in the back seat but other than that, she was silent and content. I drove slower than normal. Bringing your hurt puppy home is like bringing a newborn baby home. You keep your hands at ten and two and pray that you make it home without upsetting the little one. That was all I wanted. I wanted Sadie Mae to be comfortable and happy on the way home.
I thought this awful nightmare of an afternoon was over when we arrived home. I thought Sadie Mae would willingly get out of the car at home where she was familiar with but she didn’t. Unfortunately, I ended up in tears sitting in the car with Sadie Mae.
Sadie wouldn’t leave the back seat for anything. If I attempted to get her out, she was cry and attempt to bite me. I was home alone so I was on my own to get her out of the car and safely in the house. As I failed attempt after attempt, I finally broke down and cried. Those tears that had been fighting their way out had finally made their way down my cheeks. I just sat there and let the tears flow because I was at my wits end.
It was a painful and time consuming process, but Sadie Mae eventually made it into the house. I feel like my heart broke with every step we took. She’s currently settled down in her kennel on a pillow being a sad sap. It hurts to see her this way and it’s taking every ounce of me not to tear up again.
I know in a few days she’ll be back to her normal spunky rambunctious self and I’ll be wishing for this calm puppy to reappear. As of right now, I just want my fun loving, never stopping, crazy wild puppy back. It saddens me to see her like this. I can’t stand it!
I realize this will all be over in a few days. Thank the Lord!
This decision to get her spayed was the right decision for me. I have a tough time keeping up with Sadie. I could only imagine the chaos that would come from having mini Sadie Mae’s running around. I wouldn’t know what to do with myself. One of her is enough and I mean that with a loving heart. I couldn’t imagine loving another puppy the way that I love Sadie Mae. She’s my little piece of heaven and I couldn’t have chosen a better puppy to bring so much joy and laughter into my life.
I hope her recovery is quick and as painless as possible. I just want my rambunctious puppy back to normal.