After all this time, your words still hurt.

It’s a beautiful part of life falling in love and giving your heart to someone else, but it’s the darkest part in life when you fall out of love with that person and try to put your shattered heart back together. It’s as if you’re not even fully there in person. Your body may be going through the motions of everyday life but mentally and emotionally, you are thousands of miles away.
Fortunately, after the initial break up, you begin to pick up those pieces and you move on with your life. You eventually begin to forget about that person, about how they used to be a part of your everyday life, and you heal your broken heart and move on.
A little over five months ago, I went through an awful break up. It was the darkest time in my life. It took a little time for me to realize that I deserved better, that I deserved to be completely happy and that HE wasn’t good for me. So I moved on with my life. I surrounded myself with family and friends, started enjoying life again and found the light at the end of the tunnel.
I’ve been the happiest I’ve ever been since I found the strength to pick myself back up and carry on with my life. With that being said, that doesn’t mean that things don’t irritate me or hurt my feelings when it pertains to my ex boyfriend.
The other night, the good ole Fourth of July, my ex boyfriend decided to send me a snapchat. Now I can only assume that he was drunk but that’s no excuse for the rude remark that he sent with his picture. As simple and as stupid as the remark was, it really cut deep.
It opened up a wound that I thought healed. I couldn’t decide if I wanted to cry a bucket full of tears or if I wanted to scream my lungs out. I was livid and hurt at the same time. It’s crazy how his words can still hurt after all this time. Two little words brought back a lot of anger and hurt that I had pushed aside and nearly forgotten about. Two words. It’s crazy how much damage two words can do to a person.
It’s been a few days and that short conversation we had through texting afterwards still plays in my head as if it’s on repeat. What started off with him being mean ended with him giving me a compliment and we ended the night on that note. Even though he gave me a compliment, I was so angry with him that I didn’t take it as a compliment. It’s completely unfair to use words to hurt people and then to do damage control.
I’m not sure if his little rude remark was supposed to remind me that he still existed and that he still played a role in my life, but it didn’t work. I realize he’s still taking up space somewhere on God’s beautiful earth, but as long as that space is nowhere near me, I’m perfectly content. His snapchat the other night just reminded me why I broke up with him, why I stopped loving him, and why I’m happier without him in my life. Thanks to that snapchat, it may have left a bruise on my heart, but it also made me more determined. I know I deserve better than what I had when I was with him and one day when I’m ready for another relationship, I will have better.
I’m not entirely sure what his intentions were the other night. Was it to hurt me? Was it to remind me that he still existed? Was it to make me feel bad about myself? Was it to make me miss him? No matter what his intentions were the other night, he didn’t take my happiness away or have me wishing for the life I had with him back. In the end, he made me realize just how far I’ve come in the past five months and how much stronger I am as an individual now than I was then.
His words still hurt and I’m sure this isn’t the last time I’ll hear from him, but pain is temporary and strength lasts forever.